Cassel's Luxury

Vincent Cassel, seemingly a man of character, blessed with a face that can never be categorized in simple terms, has had a fruitful career. Last appreciated in Black Swan, he has the talent to be both disgustingly creepy and sensitively charming. His latest work in the advertisement biz now proves that he really got that duality down.

"Luxury is a right" the Lancia Ypsilon 5x1,5m advert will have you believe. People all over the world are being bombarded with this message, so I suppose I wasn't the only one looking at an almost grim looking Cassel and wondering, "Are you kidding me?"

After a Chandlerian phase of wh-why-whying, I tried to decipher the subtext of the advert. Are you telling me luxury should be a basic human right while there are still people who can't afford food or clean water? Who could possibly look at that sentence and be, "Well, finally, someone's on the same page as me!", except for some jackass escapist who models his/her life after hotel chain heiresses? The advert is almost punk in its fuck-you-I'm-admitting-I'm-a-superficial-ass-and-admit-it-so-are-you kind of way.

Turns out, it's more of a let-them-eat-cake kinda thing. The televised advert is the key to understanding the message: Cassel rants about neverending greed, about measuring success only by the worth and mass of one's possessions, trying to define the meaning of luxury and coming to the conclusion that the greatest luxury are the simple things. Like an affordable car, apparently.

So, obviously the dude is all in on anti-capitalist rethoric, telling the world that even those who have nothing - or rather at 12'500 Euro - can and should be able to afford the luxury of a five door car.

Honestly, though, I don't reaaally buy it. I'm all for spending my last money on overprices coffee or a really nice pair of shoes, but the message that is at the heart of this campaign - about luxury being a right, not a priviledge and whatnot - just don't sound right. I wonder to whom it does...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYAY7Fmgahs

This World We Share

Worrying and ranting is all I seem to be doing these days. The rants usually start with "*ç%&/+! Can't these morons see that..." and are usually directed at decision makers and voters and the uncritical media whom I deem to be co-responsible for this world going down the drain. What's up with CEOs, presidents and ministers taking risks - like sanctioning unsafe deep sea drilling projects or building badly run nuclear power plants in unsafe areas - that affect us all and then claiming that they will take responsibility in case something goes wrong. Can we use their bodies to stuff the hole in case a fail safe fails and we need to make sure than the ocean is not too poisoned (again) or that the radiation doesn't kill us all?

We're aware that we can't expect to suddenly act intelligently when warned that their actions have or could have negative consequences for all. If people believe that they need an off-roader they will continue to believe they do and if people want to believe that the industrial breeding and slaughter of animals has no negative influence on the environment, the economy and humanity, a little left-wing activism will hardly convince them of the contrary.

But when one catastrophe follows the other and we have pretty conclusive evidence that taking certain risks can have devastating effects, wouldn't that be the point where the CEOs and ministers are told to shut up and stop pretending they don't have to share the blame? Wouldn't that be the point where we all cry out, especially us gals, and say:

"Hey, you want me to reproduce and create little human beings to live in this world? Then why don't you see that they'll have air to breath, water to drink and not more than the usual amount of fingers and heads? I'm thrilled you get a big bonus at the end of the year because your lobbying efforts have caused the government to bend over once again for the wishes of stockholders, but this is my world as much as it is yours, and I'd appreciate if you didn't crap all over it."

You can do that by voting and seeing that economic interests - which translates into the interests of a few people at the top who live by the motto "get rich and kill trying" and their shareholders - do not govern us by cutting back on regulations. The interests of the few, fostered by right-wing republicanism, will finally amount to the end of us all. And I am really not fine with that.

P.S. I think women should strike and stop reproducing -and by that I mean giving birth, not sex - until we are promised that our kids are gonna be alright. And it really doesn't look it at the moment. Could be effective...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26315908/

My Deep Appreciation

So little can say so much, especially when you've got a good sense of humor. Enjoy...

Umberto Eco: Regretfully, we are returning your manuscript
( Anonymous, "The Bible")

I must say that the first few hundred pages of this manuscript really hooked me. Action-packed, they have everything today’s reader wants in a good story. Sex (lots of it, including adultery, sodomy, incest), also murder, war, massacres, and so on.
The Sodom and Gomorrah chapter, with the tranvestites putting the make on the angels, is worthy of Rabelais; the Noah stories are pure Jules Verne; the escape from Egypt cries out to be turned into a major motion picture . . . In other words, a real blockbuster, very well structured, with plenty of twists, full of invention, with just the right amount of piety, and never lapsing into tragedy.
But as I kept on reading, I realized that this is actually an anthology, involving several writers, with many–too many–stretches of poetry, and passages that are downright mawkish and boring, and jeremiads that make no sense.
The end result is a monster omnibus. It seems to have something for everybody, but ends up appealing to nobody. And acquiring the rights from all these different authors will mean big headaches, unless the editor takes care of that himself. The editor’s name, by the way, doesn’t appear anywhere on the manuscript, not even in the table of contents. Is there some reason for keeping his identity a secret?
I’d suggest trying to get the rights only to the first five chapters. We’re on sure ground there. Also come up with a better title. How about The Red Sea Desperadoes?

Taken from Misreadings (Mariner Books, 1993) by U. Eco and William Weaver (Translator)

Semantics of Faith

The belief that one must respect faith prevails almost universally in Western circles. You might not be forced to adopt a clear religious line - no, we're much too liberated and enlightned for that - but saying anything negative about relgion in general is already considered unseemly. Except maybe if you're talking about Islam, then people will not mind so much, because it's been generally accepted that they must obviously be backward and weird considering the state of affairs in "their" part of the world. Atheists are of course also not worth respecting - I mean, hey, they're going to hell so why bother with them.

If you, however, should dare to point out that Catholocism as an institution, and not only the myriad of perverted priests that abuse children, is harmful and is directly responsible for a lot of the evil that they themselves are less than appreciative of, it's all "Whoa, hey, don't insult a religion, it's just not right, man!"

Where does this mellowness come from? Who said that religion, that might have been co-responsible from civilizatory accomplishments but that today, should play no role at all in public affairs, has earned my respect? Religion has proven itself to be the greatest and most fabulous alibi for people to destroy lives.

You want my respect? Earn it. And I think that it's pretty clear that most religious institutions will never do so because they are based on what some old dudes wrote a long time ago about the worthlessness of women and homosexuals, the validity of rape as punishment and so on an so forth.

However, that has nothing to do with the individual. While I don't believe that I have to respect any religion, I have to respect the person and that person's beliefs. If a priest is a regular good guy who does a lot of good, I don't see why I should no admire his efforts and deeds. Many people, as religion itself prescribes, do it the other way around - they dismiss a whole culture or group based on their personal beliefs because of the disdain for their religion as a whole. All I got to say about that is two way street, man.

Good Glass of Whine

I remember the good old days, when a glass of milk and maybe a cookie seemed like heaven after a straining day of trig and French grammar. Now, after a day of sitting in an office or standing behind a counter, all I really want when I come home are two things: a glass of red wine and someone to bitch about my day to.

I don't think that there is anything as satisfying (well, okay, maybe not anything...) like being able to vent all the negative little things you just have to swallow at work by explaining how stupid things/people/public tranportation really is when you get right down to it to someone considerate and patient enough to just listen and nod vigorously. And yes, the thereby emerging rants often constist of very long and not always complete sentences.

What shouldn't be forgotten though is the many thanks and possible kisses the person on the receiving end of the oh so necessary venting deserves. And that the positions can easily be inverted. So have a bottle of red ready at any times: you never know who's about to start bitching.

Writer's Guilt

There are many different writing projects that I should be attending to right now but I don't seem to be able to get myself in the right kind of mood to do so. It's not like writer's block, it's just this emotional thing where I go "Jeez, do I really have to?". It's the "have to" part that bothers me, I think. Even though I (mostly) work well under pressure, until the deadline that's been creeping up on me for a while is jumping me right in the face I don't feel compelled to even start thinking about what I want to write. You can't even call it a bad attitude, it's more of a lack of attitude.

But I should get to it, right? I'd feel so much better, I know I would. The curse would not be lifted but at least the guilt of not doing what I should be doing would fade. Ugh. I wish my evil twin could write as fast as me, then I could just order her to do it all at the last second and then feel smug about it. What is she up to these days, anyway? She's probably stealing nuclear warheads or something. Although, we usually don't think that big. Maybe she's just stealing maple syrup out of an unsuspecting family's fridge. Imagine, just as the pan-savvy dad sets down the very full plate of deliciously smelling pancakes in front of the children, the mom shrieks as she realizes that "Oh no! Someone stole the maple syrup!". The kids cry, mom and dad initially start to panic but then realizes that they'll have to pull through, because no matter what, those pancakes have to be eaten. Standing outside and listening to the moving scene, my evil twin giggles as she takes a sip from the syrup bottle, defying everything dentists and dieticians have ever taught us.

A Discovery Most Foul

The stench of my own betrayal is clogging up my nostrils (as well as all the muckus that I've been producing thanks to that lovely flu I caught) as I have discovered that in the last three years combined I have written less than half of what I wrote in 2008 alone. And I believe that it is less of an issue of quality vs. quantity and more of a sign that my authorial sloth has reached it's peak. I am sabotaging myself, and it must end.

So, no more, I say! Hereby I swear that I shall write more in this glorious year of 2011 than I've ever written in a year! Ha, if that isn't a formidable expression of a young woman's resolve invoked by the beginning of a new year, then I do not know what is.

Resolve of the Regular Wonder Woman

I didn't bother with the ritual of formulating new year resolutions that "I'm really going to stick to this time!", like a new diet. No, I'm still a sucker for the heavenly sins that are pizza, red curry and fried hofan noodles with vegies. However, I figure that life is getting more interesting with the opening of every new chapter that passing into a new year represents. I'm just assuming that we're getting wiser along the way and are therefore more capable of embracing change in ourselves and the world.

But who am I, Oprah? I'm all about personal growth but in the end the things that got on my nerves in 2010 are probably still going to bug me in 2011. And that doesn't really bother me. But I am starting to wonder whether there's something I can do about these factors of annoyance and outrage, beyond blogging about them of course.

I feel moved, nay, entitled to be a shaker and breaker and start working on the things that seem less than okay to me like animal rights or rudeness or my own laziness when it comes to...well, a lot of things actually. So I'll haul out my golden lasso and try to achieve something I can be proud of 'til the end of the year.

Ha, well there you go, the natural revolve that rests in all of us, but that only really emerges around that time of the year, has lifted my spirits and will hopefully guide me in these coming twelve months. I really wonder how that's going to work out.

The Big Boo-Hoos

So you're not allowed to smoke in public places. So you’re not allowed to cover me in the ridiculously disgusting stink of your cigarettes. So can't openly disrespect everyone around you anymore and get away with it. So friggin what?

The world has improved thanks to the laws about smoking, which is something you cannot say very often about the world. What has not improved though are people's attitudes. Do these people who bitch and moan about the fact that they’re not allowed to indulge in their addiction while I'm trying to eat and breathe anymore seriously believe that they are right? Can you say delusional? Something doesn't have to be acceptable just because it's been the norm for a long time. Stoning used to be a pretty common practice (and still is in few places) as well as pedophilia, but people decided that it wasn't an acceptable social practice anymore.*

What about bringing dogs to restaurants? I've actually heard several people saying that it's unfair for dogs to be allowed when smoking isn't. The dogs in their vicinity were actually non-smelly and very quiet, but even if they very less like stuffed animals, how is that a valid comparison? A dog would probably not ruin your dinner by clogging your nostrils with smoke and inhibiting your other senses. Most dog people actually have the decency not to go to public places when their dog's a bit on the smelly side.

But let's say a lot of dog owners are not that considerate and that dogs should not be allowed in restaurants. Then I would ask people with small children to stay at home as well. Babies and toddlers are loud, they don't listen to commands, they are sticky and smelly and asking them to keep it down is neither socially acceptable nor very effective. Why bring your baby and the huge, super dynamic, jogging-mom friendly buggy it comes in to a restaurant down town at noon? Are you privileged to be less respectful because you're a parent? (Although at this point I should say that people who ignore women who are need help to get into a public transportation vehicle with a buggy should be punished with electroshock or something. We’d want there to be a learning effect, no?)

Also, there should be a perfume police. While I accept that tastes and apparently olfactory acuteness may vary, I don't see why I have to suffer every day because some broad had to bathe in her cheap or pseudo high-class brand perfume. It's rude and it's just as bad as stinking up the place where I'm having a meal with a cigarette. You might be entitled to your scent, but not to make me nauseous.

So, as you’ve cleverly deduced by now: There seems to be a need for some kind of regulatory force that makes sure that people make use of the common decency and respect they should have been taught as children, be it the law, rudeness police or random people. In any case: boo-friggin-hoo.


* (And please, anonymous guy living in your parents' basement, you're probably not even a smoker but still feel like you have to comment on the fact that comparing smoking to pedophilia is outrageous. I'm asking you: don't. Your throttled intellectual capacity can be relieved in more creative way than leaving anonymous and irrelevant comments on random blogs and forums.)

The Evil Plot

I've just spent two precious hours trying to get the 2010 Microsoft Office Suite to work. I think everybody knows what the result of such tedious dealings can be: a piece of crazy pie with a side of insanity.

I think that Gates, Jobbs and whoever else is in cahoots with those guys have worked out a secret but not really subtle plan to conquer the world. It's not what you think. It's not really about making us dependent on machines and connectivity. Oh no, that's just what they want you to think...

They are turning the world into Bedlam by making sure that any contact with a piece of their hard- or software (ooh, that sounds naughty, no?) will make people increasingly mad. And it's working!

I'm telling you people, try to hang on to you sanity! Counterbalance the excessive amounts of annoyance that will inevitably lead to the downfall of humanity with Zen Buddhism or Yoga. Anything that will block out the madness that your computer might be trying to invoke in you.

Be brave.

Diversity - Welcome to the Clone Wars

University: a place where a plethora of types and personalities are supposed to gather to bathe in knowledge and try to indulge in their academic aspirations. Showing interest and participating is what counts. You can be yourself and people will respect it as long as your not annoying anyone too much, which means you can wear whatever you want and be a fan of whatever you want and not fear judgment by your peers. Shouldn't that be the perfect basis for people to grow out of the skins they wore in High School and transform into whatever they choose to be? I thought that meant I would experience more diversity in the way people chose to display themselves.

But starting my third year, I've started to realize that somehow, more and more people have joined the ranks of clones of the H&M- and Burberry-models. It's all a sea of beige and black and navy blue that seems to engulf personal traits and swallow any sign of individuality. I hardly see any Goths anymore or any pink haired pseudo-punks. Or any boring people who dare wear stuff that hasn't been in since 1993.

How the hell am I supposed to judge people by their exterior if they all look the same? Yeah, yeah, I'm aware I shoudn't do that, but come on, we all do it. We need some clues, though and when everyone is wearing blazers and ballerinas and fake army boots and charm bracelets and oversized glasses, how are we supposed to differentiate between the people who look stuck up or rich or nice or interesting? I need people to have freaky tatoos or wear funny hats and weird shoes or something. Otherwise I just have to assume that eyerone is boring. I'll have to start judging people by their eye color and I really wouldn't want to go there.

Perfect Morning

What happened to just saying "screw you"?

Aaaand we're back in business...I'd like to say I'm back with a vengeance but let's see whether I can keep this up first. I have been gone for over a year, during which I don't believe I have written one word about anything else but literature and superficial views on culture.

But now my blog's all pimped up and I got one year of beautiful and terrifying experiences that I can share with the wider public that is doing anything but reading my blog. But hey, I've immersed myself in the bright and shiny world of Hollywood often enough to allow the brainwashing to take effect. I'm going to believe that my sassiness and wit will be discovered by someone in power and that I'll get a column and than a book deal and so on and so forth. You gotta believe. (And if you, dear reader, are that someone, don't think I'm too arrogant, sometimes the faux confidence will just get you farther than humility, dontcha think?)

Anyway, this is supposed to be a short comment on strangers. Our behavior towards stranger is so bizarre sometimes. We have been taught to respect others' privacy, to mind others' wishes and to be polite; however, we (or I, if you prefer to take yourself out of the equation) are very quick to judge strangers and to dislike them for something small like walking to slowly when they're right in front of us or starting to count their change in front of the cashier when you've been waiting in line for fifteen minutes at the grocery store. I believe sometimes we are way passed that emotion and start to fantasize about thumping them. Hard. Especially when people are just being plain rude.

That is not very Zen. As a wise little green man said, anger leads to the dark side. Or high blood pressure. Whatever, it's not good for you. So I think there's two ways to handle this. When we are having a good day we should maybe allow ourselves - not to often, though - to tell these people to go screw themselves. I'm talking about the rude people here, not just the slow walkers, although they deserve to sometimes. Just vent your emotions and share the rudeness. I think it's relieving. On a bad day though, it might be better to choose the high road and be all Jesus like. Turn the other cheek or whatever. Give people a Buddha like smile and just think: "Hey, maybe they are just having a bad day, too." Or maybe they're idiots, but that just makes you the better person. And at the end of the day you can give yourself a pat on the shoulder for being so Jedi like.

White Pride: Are you kidding me?

I stumbled over the Ku Klux Klan website tonight, and am still in a state of shock. Shock at the outrageous amount of stupidity (and I'm sorry, but there's just no other way to put this) which hits you in waves on that website. A bunch of so called good Christians has united to spread their moronic justifications for being bigoted and backward on the internet.

First thing I did was skimming over the "Requirements" section. What exactly do you need to do to be a member? Well, the "one requirement" is that you be a good Christian who lives his life as an "honorable, decent, dignified white [person]". When join the ranks of the Knights Party, you at first attain the rank of a page, then of a squire and finally of a knight, depending on your enthusiasm, support and action. Meaning: How many books can you sell, how many brochures (which are probably as eloquent as all the other texts on the website) can you distribute, and most importantly, how much fear and hate can you spread? How many equally idiotic SOBs can you convince that blacks are taking away you jobs and your women, or that gays secretly want to rape your skinny white ass? Give it your best shot, and I'm sure some dumb f… will buy your shit. (Pardon the language, but wow am I pissed! And not in the British way)

Then I listened to a couple of seriously disturbing women discuss important issues such as the Webster's definition of marriage (they are of course appalled that it includes same sex couples) or Family Guy. I got it when one of the women said that responsible parents shouldn't watch that show with their children, because most of the time it's really disturbing (horse sperm in the baby's cereals). On the other hand, if you have half a brain, you know that you're kid shouldn't be up at 8 p.m. watching TV or Family Guy (or Fox channel in general, for that matter!) anyway, so don't get upset at the creators of the program but at dimwits who thought they made good parents. One of them says that if such programs are prime time TV, then their children will sneak off to their rooms and watch it. HOW ABOUT NOT PUTTING A DAMN TV IN YOUR CHILDREN'S BEDROOM?

But of course, they do attack the creators (badly researched, by the way). "They like to have programs that mock Christians." Really, you think? Christian are a bunch of people who believe that some invisible guy is peeping at them all the time and counting the cookies in the forbidden cookie jar; and should Billie and Bobbie have eaten any of the forbidden cookies, they're going to fiery hell, while all the kids who behaved go to the magic place where unicorns make ice-cream magically appear and you can eat junk food all day without getting fat. Generally they all behave like animals, just as all humans, because they love sex and food and all that stuff just as much as the next guy. But every now and then, they can pretend to be better than the rest because they can cite a book written by old frustrated men a gazillion years ago. Criticizing Christian is absolutely justified nowadays, because we know better than to believe every crap laid in front of us. Rational thinking people have any right to criticize any religion, because they are what keeps the modern world from becoming a civilized world.

Then one of the women said, "if you ever saw old recordings of people in all parts of the world burning books, it wasn't because they were against free speech, but because it was garbage." You mean like the Nazis? Yeah sure, when they burned anti-nationalist manifests or Polish libraries it wasn't because they wanted to subjugate free thought, but because it was trashy reading material.

Then they go on criticizing TV for educating their children about sex. Either you don't let your kid hang out in front of the TV 24/7 and control what s/he's watching, or you accept that you kid will pick up stuff that belongs to the grown-up world.

The most preposterous statement was made about Teen Magazine, which features an "article" about crushes, illustrated by the teen romance in a movie between a white boy and a – wait for it – Mexican girl! Gosh, now ain't that just the darnest thing: an interracial relationship. In their eyes, this is of course ruining their children's spiritual and intellectual (?) welfare.

Any halfway decent, non-racist person just has to wince at the thought that these people procreated. At that point, you can't really blame the children for become little (and literal) spawns of evil.

I mean, apart from the fact that these women are not actually capable of seeing the irony and the (sometimes) intelligent criticism of modern society in shows such as Family Guy, they are telling people that everyone who has a different opinion wants to destroy their values and the values of American society in general. They are so far away from any humanist principle ever established, I think we would do them (and us) a great favor if they were shoved through a wormhole, right into the middle ages. At least their poor children won't be corrupted by evil TV producers there.

Why, I ask you, should anyone be proud of the white race? What is it exactly, as a race that makes us so much better than the rest? When I hear and see people like that, I lose hope. And I thank whatever forces are responsible, that my parents aren't mindless, intolerant, superstitious zombies.

Spawns of Evil

Are children assholes because of their genes or their upbringing? In both cases the parents are to blame. Either they didn't listen to their bodies telling them that their propagation would result in an unfortunate genetic mix, or they are simply not able to teach their children how to behave like a decent human being. (Does this imply that they don't know how to be a decent person themselves? - Maybe.) Now, if you consider how many in-duh-viduals you meet everyday that you would categorize as "not really that decent", it kind of gets you thinking about people's general ability to pick a suitable partner for procreation or to convey the knowledge all of us need if we want to function in society without annoying the beejezus out of everybody.

Still, this doesn't really help you when you're faced with a child you can only classify as a spawn of the Dark Prince himself (although I'm pretty sure dear old Lucy's probaly got a greater sense of decency and child-raising skills than most humans!) . You want to blame the child, but belonging the "decent" category of people, how can you do possibly blame a child for its parent's mistakes? That's just wrong, right? One way out would be to resolve to a) hate the parents for unleashing this force of evil upon the creatures of this earth, b) forgive the child for its behavior and loving it as the innocent creature it really is (totally Buddha/Jesus like) and c) not degrade oneself to be petty by behaving like the/a child. OR you do exactly that, thus relieving yourself of the pain of being the adult and being a super-saint, which, if we are all honest with ourselves, is exactly what we want to do.

The only problem is that these little demons of the fiery dominion can be cunning little monsters. By lowering yourself to their level you are tempted to make childish remarks. Remember that they themselves may have certain powers of humilitation and provocation - so you shouldn't forget that you ARE and adult, and that you can use your knowledge to outsmart them. Your mantra: Have faith in yourself and you will be able to vanquish this unearthly evil.
Important: make sure that the parents can't catch you. The kid may tattle, but that is not enough evidence to get you nailed. Be swift, be cruel.

Should you choose to be the bigger person (which you probably are anyway), that's fine. You can always comfort yourself with the knowledge that YOU know that your smarter and faster and meaner than any little kid. But can you really sleep at night?