"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet."
- Oliver Herford
"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal."
- Oscar Wilde
"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
- Bruce Willis
"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes."
- Oscar Wilde
"A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego."
- Roseanne Barr
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